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Clients often come into sessions feeling sad, lacking self confidence, and continually thinking about everything wrong with their body, their actions, their whole being. This newsletter focuses on self confidence – self esteem – self worth – and – acceptance of you. Often we judge ourselves by others. How others evaluate us, perceive us, respond to us. Some of this surfaces from a wounded place within the self where hurt may have occurred somewhere in our past. We are left feeling devalued – not worthy – and not good enough.
There are strategies to overcome these past wounds and devaluations. One of the major blocks to our own self esteem / self worth is our own self talk. This often consists of messages we have heard perhaps while growing up and maybe even more recently. We incorporate those messages into our own inner dialogue and repeat them in self destructive ways. On and on – we “tell” ourselves how unworthy and lousy we are. We focus on how we did things “wrong” or “poorly” – creating obstacles which prevent “feeling good”.
What would happen if we told ourselves how GOOD we are? What if we began to counter all those old negative messages with conscious new messages of: we are good enough and we have worth? Research shows a direct correlation between self perception and overall well being – meaning one could experience a reduction in physical ailments such as headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, with a simple adjustment in how we choose to view ourselves.
How might that change who we are – how we live our lives – how we move forward? We might notice an extra bounce in our step – perhaps walking just a bit taller, and maybe even wearing a smile.
Why not move to a place of appreciation – of who we are – and away from focusing on the negatives, the put downs, the old ugly messages running through our head. What other people “think” or perceive does not define YOU. It is really about THEM. Transition your focus to the positives – the good you do. Begin each day with affirming the positives in your life – end each day by recognizing the accomplishments. Acknowledge your positive acts for the day – regardless of how small they might be – and give yourself the praise you need, deserve, and may have missed in your life. Be your own supporter with generous doses of encouragement.
This does not mean to stop trying to improve yourself or to remain stagnant with goals and ambitions. Rather it is about being kinder to ourselves which will in turn decrease negativity, allowing us to feel better about ourselves, and thereby move forward with greater confidence. Self esteem and self confidence grow from our thoughts and our self talk – and, we can have control over both of these. You’ve heard it before: change your thoughts and change your life. Focus on the positive. You are good enough. Right now, right where you are – acknowledge all those good parts. Move forward to accepting who you are. Welcome the renewed feelings of calm and acceptance.
Finally, I invite you to phone or email me should you or someone you know need some support in making life more manageable.
Debbie Bauer, LMFT
~easing life’s journey~